26 Feb The #1 Success Tip to Keep Your Love and Chemistry Alive!
Chemistry’s a wonderful thing. Everything glows. Your skin, your life, your partner’s nose hair. The feelings are yummy and fun, and most of us want them to last for eternity. Who wouldn’t?
Oh, the Stories!
But there are stories out there. Stories of how chemistry ‘wears off’. As if it’s a magical fairy dust that has a shelf life and there’s nothing we can do about it. We’re told that the magic dust that pulled us together in the first place will eventually fade away and we’ll be left looking blankly at each other and talking about the laundry, the kids and the electric bill. Now there’s something to look forward to.
Of course we don’t believe the magnetic draw will wear off for us. And we shouldn’t. You shouldn’t. Consider this…
Tired of Feeling Good?!
When you receive a true compliment or a heartfelt hug or a gift that you’ve wanted for a long time. How do you feel? Have you at any time grown tired of being on the receiving end of a kind smile or an iTunes gift card or a surprise birthday party? Or how about taking yourself for a foot rub or watching an incredible sunset or wearing a new dress that makes you feel like a million bucks? How about the anticipation of flying to a new city or opening your Victoria’s Secret goodie bag or indulging in your favorite dessert? Notice that feeling good is about receiving from others and receiving from yourself… Have you ever grown tired of the things that make you feel good? Probably not. Are you drawn to people and places that make you feel good? Probably.
It’s for You and Them
Keeping chemistry alive is an action. It’s about deliberate appreciation of the two people you’ve chosen to share your life with – you and your partner. It’s about doing and saying things that make you both feel good, and choosing to make this a habit in your life; like cleaning your teeth, or taking a shower, or putting clothes on before leaving the house. If you wouldn’t show up at work naked, don’t let more than five days go by without doing or saying something genuine to show appreciation to your partner. (If you do show up at work naked, then pick a different comparator – perhaps daily teeth cleaning?) And be sure to appreciate yourself in a deliberate way – ask for what you need, speak kindly to yourself, get your hair and nails done. You appreciating you is a BIG part of this. If you’re happy, you’ll glow, and if you’re glowing your mate will be drawn to you like a pixie to pixie dust.
The good news is that the sooner you start working your appreciation muscle, the sooner it will become a habit. No kidding, the chemicals at the start definitely make it easy to feel loved and desired without us doing much else. But don’t let yourself take the easy route here… You’re seeing the good stuff now, keep note of it, keep giving, and then when the dopamine, serotonin and adrenaline do begin to wane – you’ll still have adoration, connection, and maybe even sex on the kitchen counter.
Communication & Foreplay
But let me be really clear – chemistry, adoration and connection translate to washing dishes, changing diapers, receiving neck massages, caring communication, and foreplay. Give and you will receive. Discover what makes you feel good and ask for it, as well as giving it to yourself. Find out what makes your partner feel good, and give it to them in consistent, small and occasionally surprisingly big ways. Schedule it if you need to. Bottom line, keep ‘em on their toes! And they’ll keep you swept off yours.
Written by Clara Chorley for Bridal Fantasy
Career Satisfaction Coach for Strong, Smart Professionals; Founder and CEO of Clarity United. She has an extensive and unique background as a Career Satisfaction Expert, business consultant and humanitarian.