It’s not uncommon for a romantic relationship to lose that excitement as times goes by. But before things spiral out of control and all is lost, how can you rekindle the spark and make your romance flourish again?
Dr. Carmen Harra, a psychologist and relationship expert who is author of the book “Committed: Finding Love and Loyalty Through The Seven Archetypes,” offers these tips to heat things up again:
Get out of a routine.
Routine is the enemy of excitement. Doing the same things every day can quickly kill the spirit of any relationship, no matter how close the partners may be. Break out of routine as often as you can. Travel with your partner, even if it’s a road trip or a weekend getaway. Try things you’ve always wanted to try but perhaps haven’t had time, like new restaurants, classes, and hobbies together. Find joy in the fact that you’re engaging in different activities with your other half.
Spice it up in the bedroom.
Many men and women find that their sex drive dwindles after years of being with the same person; the “rush” that accompanies intercourse fades. While this is normal, it’s not a good indication. Good sex is an integral part of any relationship. If your desire dries up, a central component of your connection is lost. Sex can become better with time if you get creative and invent new ways of pleasing each other. Be a little daring and try intercourse in different locations and positions or order an erotic movie to enjoy together.
Do things you love together.
Go back to the beginning and do something you loved to do in the first few months of your relationship, whether that’s going to the movies or a fair. Leave the cell phones at home and communicate throughout the activity. This will stir up old feelings of excitement that were present in the beginning. Don’t make excuses for doing whatever it takes to keep the love alive.
Take a break.
Sometimes what’s necessary to make your partner miss you is a bit of space. Spending time apart from your partner is just as important as spending time with him. The more we see someone, the less that the sensory part of our brain responds to their presence; we become “used” to them. Don’t hesitate to take a week off from your relationship to visit relatives or take a trip with friends. You’ll both feel more eager to be together after some time alone.
Push yourself out of your comfort zone.
Comfort leads to complacency. It takes honesty to look at ourselves and acknowledge our flaws, but this sort of constructive self-criticism only makes us better. You should strive to maintain a desirable image by taking care of yourself each day: eat well and exercise regularly. Such activities will not only help you look good for your partner, they’ll make you feel good about yourself and boost your self-esteem too! Your partner will recognize your efforts and compliment you more often.
Practice emotional intimacy.
Intimacy isn’t restricted to intercourse; it’s intense bonding of the mind and spirit, too. It is knowing what your partner needs before he even gets a chance to ask—feeling his emotions, needs, and desires as if they were your own. Emotional intimacy is much more powerful than physical intimacy because it delves deep into your loved one’s fears and hopes. Being consistently aware of your partner is key. Maintain a sense of intimacy with him by paying attention to how he’s behaving on a day-to-day basis. What’s bothering him? Recognize what it is that your partner needs most from you in that given moment—is it to be nurtured or left alone? Acknowledging your significant other’s needs will keep you perfectly in tune as a couple.
About the Author
Dr. Carmen Harra
Dr. Carmen Harra is a clinical psychologist, metaphysical intuitive, and best-selling author with a background in cognitive therapy, couples’ therapy, and nontraditional disciplines, such as hypnotherapy and numerology. Dr. Harra’s extensive training and her ability to predict world events makes her a highly sought-after advisor both nationally and internationally, offering guidance to everyone from Hollywood celebrities to eminent politicians. She divides her time between Manhattan, New York, and Hollywood, Florida.